Sunday, October 13, 2019

Appalachian Trail: Aches, Pains, And Promises

Not my hat but I agree
with the message.
Sixteen days have passed since I got off the Appalachian Trail (AT).  My body is still aching and suffering from various pains in odd places.  Both knees are sore when I bend them and my legs are shaky when I go up and down stairs.  My right calf still has a lump from when I dove head first off the bridge.  My left elbow still stings from hitting stone when I slipped and landed in the creek.  My left big toe, which became infected as a new toe nail was growing in, still hurts with a pain similar to an ingrown toenail.  Lastly, for some unknown reason, the muscles across the top of my back ache.

The strange thing is that many of these issues didn't bother me as I was hiking.  They all manifested full force once I'd quit.  It's like my body was saving up the aches and pains for when I was done.  Fortunately some of the discomfort is fading.  I am considering going to the doctor for the big toe and the lump on my calf since they are not getting much better.

The discomfort I am feeling just proves I made the right decision to quit.  Back in 2017 before my first AT attempt I listed reasons why I was doing it.  Those reasons were the same for this attempt as well.  The first reason - the physical challenge - turned out to be a bit beyond my capabilities as my continued aches and pains attest.  I'm sure I would have hurt myself more seriously if I'd pushed on.

The mental challenge of the AT was, in many ways, more difficult than the physical challenge.  I think my final decision came not when I physically couldn't do it but when I lost the mental struggle.  The isolation I felt in the last month and a half took a hard toll on my psyche and chipped away at my will to finish the thru-hike.  Being out of touch with the 'real world' has lead to some shock on returning home.  I've forgotten things that I did everyday for years.  I'm having to relearn my domestic life.  It's an odd feeling.

As for spiritual healing, the AT is not the Camino and the healing I sought eluded me.  I did work through some personal questions I've been struggling with but I didn't find all my answers.  I think some questions can never be answered to our satisfaction.

The last reason was to keep a promise I made to my friend GV.  I had her picture in my pocket the whole way and I am sure she would understand my decision to end my attempt.  I'm sure she would be impressed with the effort I put in this time and I have no reason to be ashamed as I was last time.

This AT thru-hike attempt ended quite differently for me.  I am not embarrassed.  I have few regrets.  I am not ashamed.  I am a bit disappointed but I am in a much better place than I was two years ago.

I'm ready for the next adventure, whatever that may be, as long as it's not a six month ordeal like the Appalachian Trail.

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